Colney Heath 1-2 London Lions; or the Art of Being a Sore Loser

When it comes to cup finals, you don't really expect one to take place in the arse end of Hemel Hempstead, situated in a ground that essentially doubles up as a car park. Then again, who wants the expected?

In light of pandemic related disruption, a whole host of non-league clubs have effectively had their seasons cut short once again. The stress of starting two unfinished seasons loomed large for so many unfortunate clubs, eleven of whom decided to take matters into their own hands. Those in the Spartans South Midlands League opted to start a cup competition: the Gladwish SSML Spring Cup 2021.

A group of six and a group of five contested the first round, with two winners from each group progressing to the semis. From there, things are pretty self-explanatory. Aylesbury Vale Dynamos were well beaten by London Lions 4-0, whereas Colney Heath saw off Shefford Town & Campton 2-0 to reach the final. The SSML Gladwish SSML Spring Cup may not have been top of anyone's list at the start of the season (primarily because it didn't exist), but the chance of a trophy is never one to be sniffed at.

The ground itself, beautifully named Pancake Lane, is fairly easy to get to, with only a half hour drive from Stevenage needed to get there in ample time for kick off. The irony, however, lies in the road named Pancake Lane being anything but flat. That said, the ground is suitably flat enough to warrant its unusual name, even though its flatness probably isn't the main talking point. If you're into animals, there are also horses galloping behind one of the goals. Farmyard animals and football; what's not to love?

The game itself was an absolute humdinger, and everything you might expect from a cup final. You'd be forgiven for thinking the teams may not play with the spirit of the cup final in mind, but you'd be very much mistaken. A robust challenge from Colney Heath defender Martin Standen saw red after just ten minutes. Lions' striker Austin Lipman converted an absolute screamer from the resultant free kick - in my mind, a late contender for goal of the season.

Despite the horses, there was to be no hoofball here from London Lions. Some beautiful build up play saw the Lions go 2-0 up, with Max Kyte's header finishing off a stunning move. It's hard to say how much the red card changed the outcome of the game, but given the one tier (now two tier) difference in clubs, you'd have to think it played some part. Nonetheless, the Lions were brilliant and well deserving of their half-time lead.

Colney were handed a lifeline after the break when George Devine converted from the spot. Despite their man handicap, Colney pushed London Lions all the way. Midway in the second half, Lions had a man sent off themselves for another robust challenge - there were plenty, all of which were vociferously contested by the Colney bench on every occasion, unless a Lions player was on the receiving end. In that instance, the Colney bench would genuinely be louder in celebrating than with the goal. Frankly, the antics were disgraceful and completely unbefitting of the game, especially at this level. Not to mention their manager telling an injured player (of his own team I should add) to 'suck it up.' Very much in the mould of a pocket Steve Evans.

It's a real shame too, as Colney played some good stuff themselves. They had a combative streak about them, and a willingness to do whatever it takes to win. As a Stevenage fan, it would be hypocritical of me to criticise that. In fact, it seems to have worked given their confirmed promotion to the Southern Central Division One. Despite all their pressing, their efforts would be futile, and London Lions would be champions. Naturally in the presentation, Colney Heath had to make it all about themselves winning promotion, but London Lions won the day.

Above all else, it was fantastic to see fans back celebrating something, where most of the tournament had been played to fanless stadia. Empty League grounds are sad enough, but the thought of some of the most vibrant and colourful terraces in the land being empty is even more sickening. This cup final at the edge of Hemel Hempstead felt like a real step in the right direction all around. Let's hope for this cocktail of nonsense and quality to continue for a while yet.