An AI Stevenage XI: Could this ragtag ChatGPT XI beat the current crop?

Due to lack of funds and general necessity, the footballing calendar has gone a bit quiet for me. I’d planned to take a trip to the capital to watch Dukla Praha take on the might of Zbrojovka (and inevitably win 2-0), but my funds had other plans. As a result, I’ll be attending Líšeň, in all its I-need-to-copy-and-paste-that-from-somewhere-due-to-the-accents glory, as they take on a fellow side in that mould from Praha in the form of Viktoria Žižkov.

Perhaps a blog on that game will follow if the interest is sufficient, but for now I decided to do a little experiment. And by a little experiment, it was something that essentially took two seconds. I asked ChatGPT for an all time Stevenage XI, and the results were…well, interesting. Let’s just jump straight in.

Some disclaimers, this is, according to ChatGPT, up to January 2022 when the database was apparently last updated, so ignore the glaring omissions of Big Goal Reidy™, and Carl Piergianni.

GK: Chris Day

We’re off to a flyer here, and in truth there could only be one option for the first spot. A man whose 297 appearances spanning a decade include some of the most iconic goalkeeping performances in the club’s history - that play-off semi at Southend in 2015, the sweeper-keeper heroics of Luton away in 2017, and a couple of promotions and trophies to boot. It’s a shame that it had to end the way that it did, but naturally Daisy will always be the greatest to don the number one shirt (well, the number 16, but…you get my point). 

RB: Ronnie Henry

Okay, we’re two for two. AI may be about to take our jobs and kill us all. Panic now. In fairness, any robot could tell you who our best right-back of all time is. We’ve had some good ones, it’s true. Luther James-Wildin is currently on course to make himself a legend, though the fact that even he is still streets behind Ronnie Henry and his 436 appearances speaks volumes on Ronnie.

CB: Jon Ashton

Okay, so this back line is probably the easiest to work out for anyone, man or machine. Another icon, and the source of potential debate as to whether Piergianni would now dislodge Ash in an all-time XI. In all honesty, it’s the kind of decision that would break any computer, or even human. Frankly I can’t decide, so I’m not going to.

Okay, I’d probably just opt for Pidge, but that’s not to say Ashton doesn’t belong here - far from it. An absolute unit at the back, he’d put his head in where it hurts, and come out of it absolutely fine. From throwing Jermain Defoe for no reason, to doing battle with a goalpost and being absolutely fine, the man is and always will be an animal.

CB: Mark Roberts

Again, despite Pidge’s iconic recent rise to legend status in almost record-time, Mark Roberts is still the greatest captain to ever wear the shirt. Considering he came in on loan from Northwich Victoria, before signing permanently for just £4k, it turned out to be the best four grand ever spent. He won all there was to win with us, apart from that elusive promotion to the Championship. Mark ‘Shirley’ Roberts - captain, leader, legend.

LB: Scott Laird

His recent podcast appearance on Under the Cosh only furthers his legend status. Not only was he a crucial part of that back line, but he had goals and assists in abundance. His 50p head gave us some incredible moments, as did that excellent left-foot. It’s crazy to think he was only 20 when he started out at Boro’ in 2008 - a wise head on young shoulders beyond his years. In truth, nobody comes close at left-back.

CM: Dannie Bulman

In all honesty, Bulman was before my time, having played for us from 2004 to 2006. The fact he won Player of the Season during his brief time here, however, probably tells you all you need to know. As does the longevity of his career after having left us. That said, there are countless magnificent maestros and midfield disruptors that are probably more worthy - Michael Bostwick, Jon Mousinho, Joel Byrom to name three.

CM: Steven Schumacher

I would certainly place Schuey under the aforementioned midfield maestro banner, but better than Bozzie, Moose or Joel? It’s hard to say, as excellent as he was. His time at the club was too brief, and without the promotions or success of the former trio. His goal at Portsmouth will always be remembered fondly, and it’s no surprise he’s making his mark as a manager in the second-tier now, albeit with a chaotic Stoke City side.

W: Darren Sarll

Okay, stand down. Machines will not replace us. Not only did Darren Sarrl never play for us, he wasn’t the greatest in the dugout either. That first season from 2016-17 will always be remembered fondly, but what followed was a bit of a car crash. The salient point here, however, is the man never played for us! Not even at youth level! Bad ChatGPT! Also, over George f-ing Boyd?!?

W: Lawrie Wilson

Okay, he/she/it is trying to redeem himself with this pick. Though his crossing wasn’t the greatest at time, Lawrie was a pleasure to watch alongside Ronnie on the right flank, and not just because of his hair. You’d be hard-pressed to find a better right-sided midfielder than him in terms of sheer contributions, defensively and offensively. Certainly one of the first names that springs to mind when thinking of that golden era.

ST: Matt ‘Matty’ Godden

Now tearing it up at Coventry, and a worthy inclusion in this list, although some might argue the case for Barry Hayles instead. Strikers coming up from non-league and fitting straight in is a common theme in the EFL, and Godden was able to come in from Ebbsfleet and do exactly that. Perhaps guilty of a little burnout in his second season, it’s not exactly a surprise to see him flourishing at a higher level. The man is a poacher, but he also wasn’t afraid of working hard. Get him on that plane Gareth!

ST: Steve Morison

Who else? Possibly Barry Hayles, but Steve Morison’s time at the club was iconic. That 2007 FA Trophy final stands out in particular, though there are countless goals to pick from. Again, Morison was before my time ever so slightly, but he is an iconic figure in Stevenage history - arguably the best striker to put on the shirt.

So could this ramshackle XI beat the current crop? Well, probably not. They’re mostly just the right side of forty. But in their pomp, they’d give them a game for sure. I’m not even sure what position Darren Sarll would be deployed in, but it could be interesting to see Jordan Roberts doing battle with the former boss, recently sacked by rivals Woking. 

In any case, AI isn’t coming for any of us, so fear not…